Face in Wonderland
by marypussycat79
Summary: The title says it all!


**Face in Wonderland**

Face awoke from his afternoon slumber at the sound of rustling in the garden. A glance at his watch told him it was too late in the day to sunbathe but he didn't know when they would afford another vacation like this, so he decided to take advantage of the situation and relax for a little while on the lounger. The breeze caressed his hot skin and made him shiver; reluctantly, he put his shirt back on and closed his eyes at the low sun on the horizon, resuming his half upright position on the comfortable garden chair.

When he was halfway asleep again, he heard a faint noise coming from the Hydrangea bushes at the end of the garden; it seemed that something was snuffling about in the green wall, making the lower leaves of the hedge wobble. As soon as Face came closer to the source of the noise, he realized there was someone talking, actually asking for help. But the young man knew he was alone in the house, his three teammates having gone to see the football match at some old friend's home. And the hedge was only a meter high so it was impossible someone was in there, otherwise Face would have seen him.

He decided it had to be a little boy or a little girl somehow trapped in there and gently moved the branches aside to reveal the brown and rich soil under the flowers. To his surprise, instead of a little human, Face found a cute white rabbit with its right paw trapped in a hole in the ground. The creature turned wide eyes to look at him and spoke politely.

"I'm sorry to disturb you but my right leg is trapped and I can't get it out of the hole in which I fell. Can you please help me, human?"

Face was astonished; since when did rabbits talk? And what was the heavy gold jewelry he was wearing around his neck? The creature was watching him with clever and curious eyes, as if waiting for an answer.

"Of course I can. Here, all done!" the LT replied and helped the little creature to break free, thinking it was insane to talk with an animal and that he was having some kind of hallucination. _Must be something Murdock put in the steaks today_, he thought!

"Thank you. Let me thank you properly for your help!" the white rabbit added and handed him a small golden key.

Face watched the creature with a puzzled expression and weighed the little key in his hand.

"Aren't you curious to know what it opens?" the rabbit asked again.

Face nodded. At this point, if he was hallucinating, he was determined to go the whole hog.

"Then follow me, sucker, and I'll show you the secret door to my world!" and the rabbit started to jump in the garden, until he stopped at the base of the old oak's trunk where he started to dig with his little white paws, the gold jewelry clattering within every movement of the little body. After a few minutes, the rabbit stopped his digging and turned to look at Face.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

Face was confused. There was no way he was following the animal in the little hole he had made, he was too big to enter it.

"I can't," the LT explained.

"Come a little closer, you crazy fool," the rabbit said and jumped in, disappearing from Face's sight.

Face knelt down and tried to look inside the hole; getting closer to it, he realized it wasn't as little as he had imagined and that actually he could easily slide inside it. Knowing it was probably the wrong thing to do, he ventured inside a little more, essentially sliding on his belly until he found himself in some sort of a cave large and high enough for him to stand in. It was pitch black but Face could see a little light at the far end of the room; blindly he started to walk towards the source of the light and he was halfway to his goal when suddenly he fell in a deep hole in the center of the cave.

Strange, he wasn't afraid of falling and the descent wasn't too fast. At some point Face realized he could go even more slowly, if he wanted, and faster if he let his own weight pull him down. There were many objects in the tunnel he had fallen into, suspended in the air, some of them were upside down: a piano; a bookcase; a wooden table prepared for three people with cups, teapot and a small plate of biscuits on it; even a rocking chair.

Some minutes later he reached the bottom of the tunnel. He had expected a painful landing on his butt but actually the black and white squared pavement was as soft as a cushion. As soon as he was back on his feet, it returned to its usual solidity.

He was in a long hallway full of doors. There was no way to know what door the white rabbit had entered; Face tried all of them but they were all closed, except for a little one which was open. Ignoring his better sense, the young man squeezed his tall frame in the small hole in the wall and found himself in another room, with nothing inside except a small table. On the table there was a little bottle with a label on it which said "Drink me" and a curious box with the label "Eat me".

Unable to hold back, he opened the box and tried one of the biscuits, giving it a good bite and washed it down with the colored drink in the bottle. Suddenly the room became smaller and smaller, but actually it was Face who was growing in size until the room was too small for him to stand and he was forced to crouch on his knees in order not to hit the ceiling with his head.

The situation lasted several minutes and Face was seriously starting to worry when he realized he was changing again. This time the room was becoming larger and larger until he was so small that the table with the box of biscuits and the bottle was as high as a mountain, impossible for him to reach. There was a tiny key on the table now and a door just about his size on the wall in front of him.

Face hoped the door was open but it was not. He cursed. How was he going to fix the situation now?

But then he spotted a big white bulk at the far end of the room: the rabbit! He was jumping in his direction towards the door. Face knew if he was able to hang onto his white fur – or the golden jewelry – he would go past the door safely. He waited until the rabbit was close enough and jumped on his back as you would do with a horse, holding on with all his strength.

§§§

The door opened magically just as the rabbit jumped through it. On the other side of the door there was a completely different world: a green meadow with flowers and bees, blue sky with little cute clouds and a wood on the horizon. Everything was huge; the rabbit was jumping faster and faster, as if trying to make him fall; Face held on tightly and released his hold on the golden chain at the animal's neck only when they arrived at the boundary of the wood.

He walked for quite some time in the underbrush, not really knowing where he was going. Everything seemed strange to him and he didn't know how to orient himself in that strange place. After what seemed an eternity later, Face found himself in what he supposed to be a garden: here the grass was well trimmed and it was easier to walk. There were many bushes of flowers and a clear path of white stones that led to the far left side of the garden. The LT supposed that if there was a path, it should lead him somewhere and anyway it was better to follow it than going around without a clue.

The Lt followed the white path for a good hour, then suddenly he felt something moving behind him. He turned around but didn't see anything, only to find himself staring into a pair of yellowish cat's eyes when he resumed his original direction. _Strange_, Face thought, _it looks like Lynch!_

The animal sniffed him for a while, then stretched out himself and made himself comfortable in front of the little man, in the center of the path.

"Are you going to eat me?" Face asked the creature.

"I don't usually eat humans," the cat answered.

"Then what do you want from me?" the LT asked again.

"Maybe You want something from me" the animal replied cryptically, smiling broadly.

"What could I possibly want from you?"

"Oh, poor little human. I see you don't know with whom you're talking. I'm the guardian of this place and I know every secret of it. You just have to ask and I will give you my help."

Face imagined the cat couldn't be trusted to keep to his own words; he felt the cat could turn on him like Lynch had. But what other choice did he have? He decided to take the risk.

"Look, I don't know who you are or where I am. I just wish I was my usual size right now. Then I'll find a way to get back to my place!" Face explained quietly.

The Cheshire cat smiled at the LT, purring.

"If you, by chance, would eat some of the little brown mushrooms that grow in this part of the wood, I think you should improve your size," the creature stated. "About the rest, I think you're mistaken: nobody here has his own way because all the ways belongs to Her. Except, maybe, for the Mad Hatter."

"Mad Hatter? I don't think I know him."

"Oh but you should go visit him then! You just have to take the right path at the next roundabout , you'll find his house in no time!"

Face felt the presence of the huge cat was making him nervous, there was something in his behaviour that he didn't like. He decided it was time to leave the creature to himself and resume his pace.

"Well, thank you then. I think I'll go visit this Mat Hatter now. If you'll excuse me…"

The cat let Face go without another word and literally disappeared in front of him.

§§§

Face wondered if the cat was right about the mushrooms. Hadn't he already eaten biscuits that made him grow? Maybe if he was careful, eating just a little bit of a mushroom would made him come back to his usual dimensions. It was all nonsense but, anyway, he had already met a rabbit and a Cheshire cat who were able to talk, and that was very strange, not to mention the other incredible things he had seen in this place. He decided to give it a try and carefully broke off a little piece of a mushroom, sniffing it; it smelled of chocolate and it tasted real good.

Soon Face was back to his usual size and that was a relief. He was now able to see the wood from a different perspective.

He continued to walk on the path until, as the cat had explained, there was a roundabout with a little path on the right. The LT followed it until he was in front of a strange house; from the garden he could detect the voices of two people - or animals maybe? They were arguing about something but they stopped abruptly as soon as they realized Face was watching them.

The two figures were sat around a big table, drinking tea and eating sweets. The little man sat at the head of the table wore a purple hat with a green bow on it; he was dressed in a matching green suit, and a yellow shirt; his hair was flying out from under the hat in every direction. He did look like a little crazy and the look in his eyes reminded him of Murdock. He must be the Mad Hatter.

His companion was some sort of a hare, only this one wasn't as white as the rabbit whom Face met in the garden of their rented house. He was dressed in a brown suit and was watching him closely.

"Look what we have here, my friend!" the hare shouted. "Are you lost, human? Or were in you in search of a good cup of tea?" he asked.

"Actually, I would like to talk with the Mad Hatter," Face answered.

The man snorted. "Who says that I am Mad?" he asked. "Maybe I act a little strange, but I can assure you, human, I am not mad. Well, except for the fact that I miss a Friday!"

Face watched the little creature with disbelief. Among the strange animals and things he had seen in that place, this Hatter was surely the strangest.

"So are you having tea?" the LT asked them. "Can I join you?"

This time it was the hare who answered. "You come here in the middle of our afternoon tea and suggest we re-start all from the beginning? I don't think so. Besides, you were not invited," he stated.

"But you just asked me if I was in search of a cup of tea," Face replied.

"Did I?" the hare exclaimed in surprise. "In that case, welcome to our little tea party, my friend. Please, have a seat. Do you fancy a cup of tea?"

"That would be great, thanks!"

The hare took a seat beside the LT and actually drank from his cup.

"Why are you here, my friend?" he asked, watching him closely with big brown eyes.

"I already told you," Face replied, feeling the absurdity of the situation was becoming annoying to him. "I'd like to talk with the Mad Hatter."

"About what? You know, the man is a little 'touched in the head'…"

"Yeah, I noticed. I need to ask him for some information."

"That sounds really interesting. Information about what?" the hare asked again in curiosity.

"A white rabbit," Face answered quietly.

"Oh, I see. This is really interesting. Do we know any white rabbit?" he asked the Hatter, who was busy buttering a piece of bread.

"White rabbit? I don't think so… Wait a minute, are you talking about a white rabbit with golden chains around his neck? That guy has such a bad attitude. I invited him to join us for tea but he never showed up," the crazy creature explained.

"That's him. He gave me a little golden key and said to follow him into his world but then he disappeared and I don't know where to find him."

The hare and the Mad Hatter exchanged a grin of accomplices. "Maybe we can help you to find your mysterious rabbit, after all. Are you sure you don't want another cup of tea?" the hare asked Face surreptitiously.

The LT knew it wasn't the moment to lose his patience but this tea party with the two creatures was really starting to annoy him.

"How would I want another one since I didn't have any yet?" he replied.

"Well, in that case… but just half a cup," the hare stated and took out a big knife from his pocket with which he actually sliced the porcelain cup in two perfect halves. He then filled one half with the brownish hot liquid.

Face didn't even try to drink it but tried to come back to the main subject of their conversation.

"We were talking about the white rabbit, you know, the one with…" he started.

"… gold around his neck. Yes!" the Mad Hatter interrupted. "You can find him at the Queen's court, maybe you can use the secret passage…"

"What secret passage?" Face asked.

"The one in the tree, that's obvious. But unfortunately we don't have the key to open it," the Hare answered sadly.

"Who has this key?"

"The White Rabbit of course!" the two creatures explained in unison.

"But he gave it to me!" Face declared angrily. "I already told you that!"

"Then what do you want from us? That's the tree…" the Hatter said, pointing to an oak in the far corner of the garden. "Go and leave us to our tea party!"

Face couldn't believe his own ears and was going to reply when he understood it was useless. The two party guests were already chattering again, completely forgetting about him.

§§§

The secret door led to an immaculate garden, with perfectly trimmed green grass, organized in a system of high and perfectly squared hedges. There were also white paths, larger than the one in the wood, that ran in every direction. In the grass, here and there, beautiful bunches of red roses stood in all their majesty. The whole scenario was perfect, everything was exactly as it should be and it seemed nothing could ruin the atmosphere of the place.

However, soon Face realized there was something out of place. Small red spots in the green grass just around the bunches of roses; getting closer to one of them, in order to have a better look at them, the LT realized the spots were fresh and made of paint. _Strange_, he thought, _it seems someone has painted the roses in red_.

In fact a few meters away from him three living playing cards, with brushes and a paint bucket, were painting the white roses in red, leaving spots of paint everywhere so it was easy to follow them in the garden. Face watched the three figures working for a while then approached them quietly.

"Hi there!" he greeted them. "May I ask you why are you painting the white roses in red? Besides, you're leaving spots everywhere."

Card number 3 turned to watch him with a curious look.

"Because we planted, by accident, white roses instead of red. That's obvious. And we don't want the Queen to find out!" the creature explained.

Face was about to ask another question when suddenly a cacophony of scared voices filled the air, shortly followed by the music of many instruments of a band marching in the paths of the garden. That was the signal for the Queen's arrival, Card number 2 explained to Face, adding they had to hide the brushes and the buckets somewhere and quickly. Unfortunately, they didn't have time because two tall figures were already slowly approaching them: the Queen and the King of Hearts.

The Queen was indeed a beautiful woman: she had long dark hair gathered in a refined hairstyle, clever brown eyes and a full mouth; her slim and long body was dressed in red velvet with a white corsage. On her head she wore a big crown with many gems on it.

Beside her there was a tall man, whose aspect was imposing as much as the queen's; he must be the King of Hearts. The man also wore a crown on his short grey hair, his figure dressed in a red velvet uniform. His clear blue eyes were bright, his expression one of amusement as he observed the scene in front of his eyes: three scared playing cards covered in red paint and a human, perfectly still.

It seemed obvious that the cards were trying to cover their mistakes in planting the wrong bunches of roses. Everybody knew the Queen wanted red roses only in her garden and that she wasn't going to forgive those responsible for their mistakes. The King of Hearts knew his spouse had such a bad character sometimes and he knew it was useless to try to convince her to be reasonable; this in particular was one of these occasions when he knew she was going to explode, sooner or later, and was waiting for her to speak, not wanting to cause the unlucky playing cards more damage with his own words.

"It wasn't my fault, Your Majesty! It was the 3!" Card number 2 shouted when the Queen glanced in his direction.

"Not me, the 4!" Card number 3 replied anxiously.

"Not me, the 2!" Card number 4 accused.

"Silence!" boomed the Queen. "Off with their heads!"

The King of Hearts nodded his agreement and two spades cards escorted the three figures out of the garden to the gallows.

As soon as the guilty cards were carried away, the Queen smiled broadly at Face, who was still standing in front of them.

"Look what we have here, my King! What a handsome young man!" she said.

The King nodded again. "Beautiful, indeed. I don't think I have seen you around here, kid! Where are you from?" he asked politely, his voice sweet and authoritative at the same time.

Face didn't know what to answer. The Queen was watching him closely, clearly she liked him – that Face knew for sure – and when the LT couldn't find his voice to answer the question the charming man had asked him, the woman came to his help.

"Oh my sweet boy! Please, forgive us if we confuse you. My king was just trying to be polite, isn't that true my Lord?" she asked the older man.

"My Lady is right. We didn't want to scare you with the little scene of the beheading. But, you see, those cards are so lazy sometimes that we have to be hard on them. Can you play croquet? My Lady was wanting to play and I think it would be wonderful if you joined her," the King answered.

Face wasn't sure he wanted to play but the King was giving him an odd glare and he knew he didn't have any options if he wanted to save his head.

"It will be my pleasure," he replied.

In no time the Spades cards set up the field. Face discovered, to his discomfort, the balls and mallets were live animals; his experience with the living creatures of the place wasn't so good and that made things difficult.

While the King of Hearts was sipping his tea in a comfortable armchair, Face and the Queen started their game. The Queen was the first to play; Face observed the ball animal move over the field despite the fact the woman had missed it, as if he knew that if the Queen wasn't successful he was going to die. The small crowd of living cards that was watching the game clapped warmly when the ball finally reached his goal. The Queen watched Face and then the King wearing a huge smile, which the King returned politely, encouraging her to do her best.

Now it was Face's turn; he held the mallet in both his hands, trying to hold the animal still at the same time but couldn't. The ball started to laugh at him and so did the other mallets and balls. This lasted for several minutes; the Queen didn't seem too happy that Face's turn was taking so long, and the King was starting to get nervous too.

Face knew he was going to be in trouble soon if he didn't make his move. Finally, he was able to control the living mallet and hit the ball with enough strength to make it roll along the field; the cards watched in horror as the ball passed every port and sprinted towards the end of the course.

The King was annoyed; Face understood he had been invited to play but wasn't supposed to win.

At some point, while the Queen was making her next move, Face spotted the Cheshire cat. He was sat in the King's lap; the King seemed unaware of the animal and the LT wondered if he should warn him or not.

"I see you're having a good time!" the cat exclaimed to Face.

Face turned to look at him. "I wish I was in my own home, lying on my lounger in the garden, sunbathing!" he whispered tiredly.

The kind understood Face's words were directed at him and got up from his armchair, reaching the younger man in three long steps.

"Are you saying playing croquet with My Lady isn't to your liking, kid?" the older man asked in a low voice.

"No, not at all, My King. Please believe that!" Face replied, hoping his words sounded true. He certainly didn't want the man to be mad at him.

"You're not being sincere here, young man. Tell him the real reason why you are here now!" the cat insisted.

The animal was now beside the Queen, who was watching the scene between the two men with curious eyes.

"Do you think it would make some difference if they knew about the white rabbit? And the golden key of the secret passage? No, thanks, I think I am in trouble enough with this croquet game!" Face answered the cat.

"Who are you talking to?" the King asked then in a very menacing tone. "What's this story about the rabbit and the golden key?"

Face sighed. He had hoped the two people were sane but he realized they were as mad as all the living creatures he had met since the beginning of this adventure.

"Look, I don't want to cause you any trouble. Why don't you just let me go and you continue your play with the Queen?" he asked the older man.

"I asked you who you were talking to. I want an answer! Now!" the King ordered.

"I was talking with a Cheshire cat, Sir!" Face answered earnestly.

"Ah, and where exactly is he supposed to be?" the King asked then.

"Actually, he is sitting beside the Queen," Face replied.

Suddenly, the Queen started shouting hysterically and the king ordered the cards to protect the Queen from the assailant: the Queen was allergic to cats. Face was watching the scene in disbelief.

"You're going to pay for this. Off with his head!" The King announced loudly, and then all the remaining cards clapped their hands and surrounded Face.

Unable to escape, the LT begged the King to save his life, saying he didn't know the cat and it wasn't his fault. It didn't work. The young man felt his heart thundering in his chest and the world spun around him.

"Please, my King! Please, I don't want to die!" he whispered.

§§§

"You're not going to die, Face. Come on, open your eyes for me baby…" Hannibal's gentle voice was saying.

Face complied and found himself staring into a pair of concerned clear blue eyes.

"Hannibal, what… What the hell happened?" he asked, trying to sit up but Hannibal's large hand on his shoulder stilled him.

"You slipped on the wet floor and bumped your head. You were unconscious for almost 15 minutes, you had me and the guys really worried for a while!" the Colonel explained to him gently.

Face shifted his gaze to Murdock, who did seem a little shocked. "Where is your hat?" the LT asked him.

"My hat? Oh, yeah, that's why I came back inside. We were heading to our friend's house to see the Football match but I forgot my cap and I told Hannibal and BA to wait for me outside, then we heard a loud "thud", you know as if something heavy had fallen to the ground and it was you, actually. So I called them back, the Colonel checked you out and we tried to wake you…" the pilot explained in an agitated tone.

BA's hand on his shoulder helped him to regain his grip. Murdock breathed deeply and continued.

"You were out for almost 15 minutes, as the Colonel said. I was going to call an ambulance when you suddenly started mumbling something about a king and a Cheshire cat."

Face was relieved to hear that.

"So, it was a dream? The White Rabbit with golden chains, the key, the Mad Hatter and the croquet game?" he asked his friends.

"White rabbit with golden chains? BA, Face was dreaming about you!" Murdock said laughing.

"It was just a dream, baby! You're ok. Thank God you're ok!" Hannibal whispered in his ear and Face relaxed in his lover's strong arms.

"Come on, Face. Let's get you inside, you crazy fool," BA said.

He and Hannibal helped Face to his feet, then they took him inside their vacation home where they spent the rest of the evening keeping a close eye on him.

**END**


End file.
